


White sparrows

by marauders_assemble



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25120969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marauders_assemble/pseuds/marauders_assemble
Summary: How do you keep living after the one person you need disappears? Peggy has no choice but to find a way... again.
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Angie Martinelli
Kudos: 28





	White sparrows

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first fic I've ever written, so I have no idea if it's any good. English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.  
> This is based on the song White Sparrows by Billy Talent (great song, you can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IogA5pfsdIY). It wouldn't let me rest until I wrote it. I'm sorry:)  
> Let me know in the comments if you enjoyed!

Deeply lost in thought, Peggy was walking rapidly down the busy street, making her way through the urban fauna she had gotten used to during her years in New York. Bumping into a bypasser, she looked up, startled. Ignoring his rude gesture, the agent, realizing she had no idea where she was, stilled and slowly took in her surroundings.

Her heart sank when she recognized the place her feet had brought her. As the L&L Automat neon sign stabbed at her eyes with its bright light, memories unfurled before her.

***

_“Hiya English! Bad day?” Angie chirped, immediately heading towards her favorite customer sat at the counter._

_Peggy felt a weight get off her chest simply by looking at the beautiful waitress looking at her in concern._

_“I’ve seen better. How about you? Didn’t you have an audition today?”_

_“Oh my gosh, yes! And guess what? I got the part!” The Englishwoman felt her heart flutter at the sight of her friend preactically bouncing in front of her._

_“Angie, that’s great! I’m so proud of you!” She quickly rose, pulling the other woman into a bone-crushing hug over the counter. As she drew away, she lingered a little, lost into the deep blue eyes that were looking intently at her. The time seemed to stop, only to return to its rightful course when a customer hailed Angie._

_The spell broke. Both women pulled away quickly, blushing slightly before Angie somewhat regained her composure to rush over to her client. Doing so, she shot a sideway glance at Peggy, who hid a shy smile in her cup of tea._

***

A raindrop fell on the agent’s face, snapping her out of her waking dream. The single droplet was soon followed by thousands of others. Swearing under her breath, the brunette hurried to hail a cab, but so did everyone else. She unsuccessfully tried to find it in herself to care.

She settled for a walk in the rain amidst the icy wind, hoping it would shake off her state of nostalgia. Unfortunately, storms were also an apparent trigger for her.

***

_“English! Wait up!” The cry broke the woman’s train of thought, but she smiled as a bubbly blonde came rushing to her side, holding a red umbrella over their heads. “Now, you wouldn’t want to get to the phone company completely soaked, would ya?”_

_Peggy gladly accepted the protection. The umbrella was forcing them to walk closer than they normally would have, but neither protested. Every spot where Angie’s hand touched Peggy’s, her skin burned like it was aflame, and, in a way, it was. Wordless glances were exchanged and, without uttering a sound, the two pressed closer together while they silently wlked together through the otherwise deserted streets. Too soon, it seemed, they got to the New York Bell Co. building._

_“Well, I believe this is me,” said Peggy with regret. As neither went to leave, the Englishwoman, quickly slowly leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss on Angie’s lips. When she drew back, Angie’s eyes were wide with surprise. Peggy blushed furiously and immediately started apologizing profusely._

_”God, Angie, I’m so sorry, I really thought I was reading this right, which I obviously was not, and if you don’t want to see me ever again I’d totally understand and I’ll move out as soon as possible and…”_

_Her rambling was cut short by soft lips pressed on hers. She felt the smaller woman smile into the kiss. “Shut up, English, you talk too much.”_

***

“Miss Carter! Is everything quite alright?” Jarvis’ concerned voice made her realize she had been staring blankly into the distance for at least a minute.

“Yes thank you, Mr Jarvis, I’m fine.” She was thankful for the downpour, masking the stray tear rolling down her cheek. However, the butler was not fooled. She detected a glint of sympathy in his eye as he offered her a lift home. As much as she hated to be pitied, she had to admit that it would be much easier to get back, and she would avoid the curious looks of the passerbys. Making her choice, she sat tightly on the passenger seat and silently stared ahead as the car rolled in the traffic of New York.

She bade a tired farewell to Mr Jarvis as she entered the mansion. He offered to keep her company, but she gently turned him down, preferring to be alone. As she closed the door, a whirlwind of emotions assaulted her, so strong that she had to lean against the wall to avoid being swept off her feet. This place was filled to the brim with thousands of memories that she would rather avoid.

***

_Peggy and Angie were curled up together on the sofa. The first read a book while the latter perused over the script for a play she was supposed to audition for. The sound of pages being turned filled the companionable silence in the library._

_After a while, Angie looked up at her grilfriend, lovingly examining the little frown she had on face when she was reallly concentrated. Taking a decision, she broke the silence._

_“English?”_

_“Yes darling?”_

_“Do you want kids?” Her eyebrows shot up in surprise at the unexpected question, but the edge in Angie’s tone hinted at the particular importance fthis matter held for her. Hence, she weighed carefully her answer._

_“Yes, I do,” she said softly after a moment._

_Her love snuggled a little closer to her chest, returning her eyes to the stack of sheets in front of her._

_“I’ve always wanted to have two kids: A boy and a girl. That way they won’t be alone, they can always heve someone to count on. Oh, we should have a big yard so they can run outside as muche as they want! And we could ask Mr Fancy to install a swing, and maybe we could build a treehouse…” The young woman kept rambling about the future, almost forgeting to breathe, but Peggy didn’t mind. She had seen the way the tension in her shoulders eased after her answer, as well as the sparkles in her eyes when she got caught up in visions of a lifetime spent together._

_As she gazed lovingly at the fiery Italian nestled into her side, she realized she had all she would ever need, right there._

***

Peggy resolved to avoid the library altogether and stumbled into one of the guest bedrooms, not caring to remove her clothing as she flopped gracelessly on the bed. She hadn’t gone back to their shared bedroom since _that_ day: it brought back too many memories of lingering kisses, endless talks and sleepless nights. She simply couldn’t face the closet full of Angie’s clothes, the script that might still be scattered carelessly all over the room, the pillows still retaining a bewitching lavender smell.

Her limbs were as heavy as after a week on a mission. She had lived through more than her fair share of losses, yet she was still astonished by the toll emotions could take on someone. However, as exhausted as she was, she still put off the moment she actually had to put herself to bed. Sleep seemed to evade her these days, and her few stolen hours of rest were more often than not filled with thrashing and waking up shaking. She had come to dread the nightmares far more than usual, as she no longer had a shoulder to cry on after waking up screaming. Her nights were filled with gunshots, radio static and, lately, red roses blooming on lovely blue dresses.

***

_The door of the club opened widely, revealing Peggy and Angie leaving quietly a room full of dancing couples. Hand in hand, they took a few steps into the alley before Angie stopped, tugging slightly at her lover’s arm to gain her attention. Smiling impishly, she then pulled her in for a kiss. Peggy responded passionately, her hands coming to move on Angie’s waist and on her back. Spurred on by her eagerness, Angie reciprocated, burying her hands on Peggy’s perfect curls. As they broke apart, panting slightly, they simply stood there, gazing into each other’s eyes, foreheads resting together. At that instant, other patrons left the establishment, but the two women paid them no mind, knowing that this was one of the only places in the city were they could truly be themselves without earning so much as a double take from the others._

_Peggy was deeply entranced by the gorgeous woman in front of her. It was perhaps what dulled her usually flawless senses enough to rob her of a few crucial seconds. At first, she didn’t react at the dim sound of footsteps behind her, dismissing it as patrons coming in a little late for the party. However, when Angie’s eyes darted away from hers and widened in fear as they settled on the incoming character, she knew something was wrong. She whipped around, gun already in hand and aimed at the assailant. With a quick glance, she took in the pistol pointed in her direction, the clearly practiced stance of the aggressor and his cold expression and instantly pulled the trigger. Twin gunshots echoed through the air an instant before Peggy was hurtled to the side._

_Rapidly regaining her bearings after the initial daze induced by her fall, Peggy quickly rushed to ensure that the assassin was no longer a threat. She then gazed around for a few seconds to locate her savior before her eyes stopped on the slender figure standing stock still in the center of the alley. Her heart stopped when she noticed the red stain on her lover’s stomach, growing larger with each passing moment._

_Ignoring the customers pouring out of the bar, alarmed by the gunshots, the agent rushed to catch her girlfriend an instant before she hit the ground as her legs gave way. Laying her down gently, she frantically tried to stop the flow of blood, all the while talking to Angie. She resolutely quieted down the little voice at the back of her mind telling her that it was futile, that the bullet had gone through too many vital organs, that she was losing too much blood._

_Suddenly, soft fingers circled her wrist, stilling her efforts and forcing her to actually look in the eyes of the woman she was desperately trying to save. The resignation she read in them broke her heart a little further._

_“English. Stop. It’s okay,” she rasped with a weak smile._

_“Angie, no! I’m gonna help you, just hold on, we’re gonna get you to the hospital, just hold on, please...”_

_“You know as well as I do I won’t last ‘til then. Now, I need you to listen…”_

_“No, no, no, I won’t let you die, this can’t be it, you’re gonna be alright…”_

_“Peggy,” she interrupted in a soft tone that somehow resonated more than if she had screamed. “I don’t have much time, but I want you to know that I love you so, so much. I couldn’t have dreamed of a better partner.” The love in her eyes was overwhelming as she enveloped Peggy in a warm gaze. She slowly raised a trembling hand to wipe the tears that Peggy didn’t know were streaming down her cheeks, before letting it fall back down, her forces drained by the simple gesture._

_“I love you too, angel,” she whispered, not trusting her voice not to break. The younger woman gave her hand a last weak squeeze before becoming limp in her arms._

_“No. NO! Angie! Don’t leave! Hold on! I can’t do this without you! Please, hold on, darling, please, please don’t go…” The end of her sentence was drowned in the sobs wreaking her body. She cradled Angie close to her chest, sobbing her heart out, oblivious to the patrons of the bar watching in horror._

***

The coffin descended in the grave with finality as the priest recited his litany of prayers. The sun shone as brightly as ever over the assembly’s heads. It seemed fitting, in a way; Angela Martinelli did have a way of putting sunshine in people’s day with her bright smile and quick wit. You could hear her mother’s quiet whimpers as she burrowed her head in her husband’s chest. The air bore a scent of freshly dug earth.

All of that was lost on Peggy, who couldn’t hear anything beside the dull thud in her ears. She felt strangely numb. She didn’t react as the ceremony ended and the assembly slowly dissolved. Some gave her puzzled stares; after all, few were the ones who knew the extent of their relationship.

After a moment (30 seconds? A few hours? She couldn’t tell and, at this point, she couldn’t find it in herself to care), she felt a pair of hands delicately guide her away for her love’s grave and into a car. If she did notice the worried glances Jarvis kept throwing at her through the rearview mirror, she paid them no heed. Nothing mattered anymore except the giant hole in her heart.

Once she was safely in her mansion, she dismissed her friend with a few weak words and the forced hint of a smile. She knew he would be back to check up on her, but at the moment, Peggy couldn’t bear the presence of anyone who wasn’t _her_.

Soon enough, she heard the click indicating that she was once again alone. Alone. So alone. As the reality of that thought hit her squarely in the chest, she took a few staggering steps before crumbling in a heap on the floor.

Once again, the manor echoed with desperate sobs long into the night.


End file.
